Diary of a Stay at Home Dad: My Mini-Van, My Chariot

So I’m just going to come right out of the gate and say it, Mini-Vans are the most awesome vehicles ever created in the history of vehicles. Those of you who have one know what I’m talking about and those of you who don’t, well you know you want one.

never thought I would be here.  I certainly never thought I would love being here.  My buddy Tony, read his blog on social media strategy here: WhatsHupp, and I were just talking the other day about how much I’m diggin my chariot.  He was mildly amused when I made the rear hatch and side doors open from a good distance away using the remote.  I mentioned to him that I used to be embarrassed about it and would open the doors manually until just recently.  Now I roll up to the golf course or The Kroger and act like I’m the shuttle Enterprise docking at the international space station.  The side door simulates the space station air lock of course.  It took a while but I have become a Mini-Van believer.

Retirement from the military at the age of 43 was a tough transition.  Going from a Pontiac Grand Prix to the Mini-Van at the age of 43 was tougher.  It’s probably just an age thing.  One day I’m rolling through the front gate at the base in my Grand Prix, the next; I’m pulling up to The Little Gym in the Mini-Van.  Was it over, was I selling out?  This is the vehicle of a soccer mom.  Sarah Palin made me hate soccer moms.  How could I roll around town in a giant diaper box with wheels?  This was going to cost huge in the street cred department.  This was going to be a manly check I just couldn’t cash.

Wrong!  Don’t go to sleep on the Mini-Van my friends.  Underestimate it at your peril.  That four wheel, eight seater will sneak up on you.  First of all it cost almost double what my Grand Prix did, so that makes it cool right off the bat right?  It also paid for itself the first time I didn’t have to stoop over, stress my back, and engage my core, to put Frank in his car seat.  And let’s be honest, my core ain’t made for engaging.  Yeah, that’s called winning sports fans.  Add to that the gross tonnage of cargo you can stuff in that bad boy and you have yourself a vehicle/road warrior.

It immediately made the 12 hour trips to Jersey 10x more comfortable.  The little DVD player in the roof kept Frank going for hours on that long haul.  Oh and did I mention the rear hatch works like a roof over your head on a soggy day.  That is invaluable after playing 18 holes in the rain or unloading after a trip to The Kroger.  Of course it goes without saying Frank loves pushing the button that makes the hatch go up and down which can sometimes defeat the staying out of the rain feature.  But it’s worth it to see the look on his face when the door starts moving.  Which leads me to the best part.  Until Frank realizes I have a remote for the doors he thinks I’m a Jedi.  And yeah I’m cool with that.

When Dusty Baker took over the Colorado Rockies they were one of the worst teams in Major League Baseball.  The first thing he did, institute a dress code.  They wore basic uniforms with very professional looking accouterments as far as sunglasses and such.  Off the field they dressed in suits while traveling.  Baker’s feeling was if you want to be a champion you at least have to start dressing and acting like one.  Well, if I was going to be a stay at home parent then I was going to need the tools of a stay at home parent.  The Mini-Van fills the bill nicely.  Now if I could only remember where I put my smokes, hairnet, and that mumu I bought the other day.


This entry was posted in Diaries.

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