Welcome back sports fans.  We are live at the Detroit Super Metro Cinama-Plex Dome.

The money nerds from CNBC finally get their chance.  It’s the Mother of All Economic Debates!  The economic arm of NBC is hosting tonights affair.  Oops I meant debate, sorry Newt, sorry Herm.  Maria Bartiromo is lead moderator.  The team is filled out by the wall street analysts from CNBC’s market coverage.  Jim “I never met a crappy prop I didn’t like” Cramer is one of the moderators.  That’s right, Jim “68% of the stocks I recommend either lose money or completely tank in a week” Cramer is asking questions during the economy debate.

Yeah so it’s an economic debate, which means it’s boring as watching moths mate.  The second question comes from Maria, a leading market analyst by the way, and favorite MoneyLine “IT” girl of my buddy Kevin.  She uses her question to ask Cain about all the sexual harassment issues.  She gets murderously booed by the crowd.  Ok let’s get to it.

Some of the players reverted to their usual roles tonight.

Rick Santorum was questioned 3 or 4 times maybe.  On a question about health care he complains he didn’t get to answer on the economy.  He then whines his way through what he did about healthcare when he was in the Senate.  Never answered the question.  Probably why he got freight-trained in his losing bid at re-election to the Senate.  Again, it’s just not a debate until Santorum cries about some thing or another.

It also falls short of a debate until Newt crushes the moderator for asking an epically stupid question.  He went at Maria with both barrels and although he won the shootout ole` Maria winged Newt a few times.  When Newt realized Maria was impervious to his Jedi “charm the pants off older women” powers he went to the dark side and got angry and ugly at the same time.

When asked to take 30 seconds to respond to what he would do to fix health care Newt looked a death ray at Maria and said “30 seconds, are you serious?”  Apparently she was because while he stammered through some of his best pick up lines she started to offer the question to someone else.  It worked like a champ, as it often does with my 2yr old, and Newt gave a good answer.  It was along the lines of private healthcare accounts, letting states decide how to implement healthcare on their own, and reforming the malpractice system to free up doctors, that’s Tort Reform folks.

Cain, fresh from a press conference where he basically said he never did nothin to nobody, claimed to have the answer to health care in the U.S.  He said the bill has been written already but “Princess Nancy” squashed it in House committee.  Of course he is referring to former Speaker of the House and current minority leader of the House, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi.  Odd choice of words coming from a guy who just said he never acted inappropriately with anybody, ever, especially women.

Not really sure how this helps his argument that the harassment claims, from now 5 different women, are all a big fat attempt by the mean little democrats to get Herman Cain out of the race.  I would think with the way Cain and his chief of staff, Mark Block, lie so frequently the democrats would want Cain to stay in the race.  By the way Cain immediately began walking that statement back durting the post debate interviews.  He said to CNBC’s reporter that he should not have said that but he was trying to make a point.  So now I get it.  It’s OK to be sexist and harass women as long as there is a point to be made.  Apparently I missed a memo.  You can watch the CNBC take down of Cain here: Princess Nancy

I’m not all that impressed with the current President, but he’ll eat Cain’s lunch and make him order dessert.  Cain claims that he may not know a lot but he’ll have great people around him that do.  So like, for example, his Chief of Staff.  Mark Block went on Hannity the other night and said the writer from Politico, the outlet that broke the harassment story, was the son of the first accuser.  Hannity, being the crack journalist that he is asked, “you’ve confirmed that?”  Block said “oh yeah it’s been confirmed.” Hannity says great and allows Block to go on for some time about the hit job Politico is doing.

Turns out over a year ago a writer who has the same last name as the first Cain accuser did work for Politico  Two google clicks later you find out that A. He no longer works there and hasn’t for a year, and B. He is in no way related to the first accuser.  Two clicks on my desktop computer in Knoxville TN and I confirmed what the Chief of Staff of the front running GOP Presidential candidate could not.  So he just lied about it.  Another sign the apocalypse is upon the Cain campaign; Herman Cain speaks about Herman Cain in the third person.

But the line of the night, or lack there of goes to Perry.  He was asked directly what 3 government agencies he would eliminate when he became President.  Perry began to tick them off like a child using their fingers as place holders while reciting the state capitols, “Dept. of Commerce, Dept. of Education,” and …, some minor mumbling, …., looks up in the air, …., back at the camera, …, Mitt says “EPA?”, Perry – “Yeah EPA”… “No that’s not it.”  Perry looks at Mitt with that frat boy smile after just being farted on and says “Good one Mitt.”  He goes back to looking in the air, still holding his third finger.  Finally after 48 seconds, which is like 9 dog years in television time,  he just says “oops” and gives up.  It’s either painful or hilarious to watch depending on the condition of your soul.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you, here it is: Perry candidacy fades before your eyes

The rest was all filler.  In the end only Herman Cain and Mitt Romney have published economic plans.  Y’all know Cain’s 999 plan, which has become a punchline not a serious consideration.  Mitt has put out his 59 point plan, explaining the U.S. economy is serious and complex and can’t be solved with a bumper sticker slogan.

You can read them both here: 999 Plan   Mitt’s econ plan

Believe it or not the next debate is Saturday 12 November, from Spartanburg South Carolina.  CBS is the host this time.  See you in the Palmetto State.  Can’t wait.