Out of the mouth of babes: Presidential Candidates Edition

So far I have two posts detailing some of the funny things Frank has said.  You can read them here: The Mouth of Babes, The Mouth of Babes II.  With him getting older and twins on the way, those posts should grow exponentially.  I really never thought I would be writing about the sometimes funny, but mostly stupid things that grown men say; certainly not grown men running for, what most would argue is the most powerful position on the planet.  Yet here we are still eight months from the Presidential election and I could fill pages and pages with the ridiculously absurd things all the candidates for President, including the current President, have said over the past few months.  Don’t worry, no pages and pages here, just some of the select quotes.

Rank has its privilege so Mr. President you’re up:

“One of my predecessors, Rutherford B. Hayes, reportedly said about the telephone, ‘It’s a great invention, but who would ever want to use one?‘ That’s why he’s not on Mount Rushmore — because he’s looking backwards.”  Yeah, the Mount Rushmore line is really good.  It would have been a better line if Hayes wasn’t the guy who had the first telephone installed at the White House and was the 19th century’s version of a nerd and techno buff.  The really cool and funny thing here is, Stephen A. Hayes is the great-great grandson of Rutherford B Hayes, chairman of the former President’s museum, and surprise surprise, a Fox news regular.  He is frequently a member of the panel of Bret Baier’s news show on Fox.  So we are getting all this right from the horses mouth so to speak.

Mr. President, you’re in an elite club, if you’re going to trash them, at least know the members.  Stick to constitutional law, leave the history to the professionals.

Mitt Romney: Mostly funny, slightly sad

“I love cars, I have a truck, my wife has a Cadillac, two of them actually.  She loves them.”  This said at a rally in Detroit where the auto workers came to hear Mitt’s thoughts since Mitt opposed the bailout.  If you don’t see the issue here, you have too much money.

“The tress are all the right hight.”  Said at a different rally in Michigan, this is just plain weird.  However I am told by some that this is an inside jab at Wisconsin, and Michiganders knew what he was talking about even though the rest of us had no clue.

“Oh, I won’t pick where Peyton Manning is going to go, a lot of my friends are owners.”  In response to his thoughts on the whole Peyton Manning/NFL issue.  Again it’s a little insight into how Mitt views the world; apparently through money encrusted glasses.

“I love NASCAR, some of my best friends are team owners.”  Again with the owner stuff.   This occurred in the south obviously, during the primaries in TN, AL, and MS.  The unwashed just can’t relate.

So these are not untruths as they are gaffes that expose his disconected-ness from the working folk of America.   Mitt finally blew his cork about all this stuff on Fox News Sunday no less.  He tore into host Chris Wallace telling him he refuses to apologize for being successful, hard working, and rich.  Tough to argue.  Also tough to see why this matters in the primary.  Aren’t republicans all for capitalism and money and wealth and stuff?

Rick Santorum: Mostly frightening, partly crazy

“TelePrompTers should be illegal.”  Says the man against big government, for freedom, while reading from a note card – the paper version of a prompter.

“Contraception is a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”  Wow, just wow.  Tell that to all the women who use it for medical reasons, like endometriosis, to name one.

“If Puerto Rico wants to become a state then they have to adopt english as the official language.”  Said at a Puerto Rico Progressive party rally for statehood and to a reporter from a San Juan newspaper.  Rick went on to say english is required under the constitution for statehood.  Again wow.  For a party that claims the current President is destroying the constitution, they sure lack any knowledge of what it actually says.  Let me help, there is absolutely no mention of english being mandatory for statehood, none.  Don’t count those delegates from PR just yet Rick, and I wouldn’t count on a lot from Texas and California either.

“The Obama Administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws. ”   This from a speech he made and it’s posted on his web site.  Frightening for a few reasons.  1. He offers no evidence of the blind eye by President Obama.  2. He believes as President he will enforce theses laws.  How, Rick, how will you do that?  Police enforce the law, congress writes the law, you only get to sign it.  And who gets to define obscenity?  Will you make the word “Crap” illegal?  The fact he doesn’t know any of that is frightening enough.  3. He thinks this is the big issue in America today.  But Mitt is somehow the one who’s disconnected?

Newt Gingrich: Mostly funny, partly delusional 

“I don’t know Brett.”  In response to Brett Baier’s question, “What state can you win, if you can’t win the southern states?” after Newt got the big south rebuke, coming in 3rd in TN, 2nd in AL and MS.  Newt compounded his problems when he said he had to win the south to remain viable.  Very inspiring Newt, well done.

To the moon Alice! To the Moon!

“By the end of my second term we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.”  Great, big help Newt.  I’m sure the people who can’t get a job will be linning up to get jobs in the space program now.  It should  come as no surprise he said this to a group of Floridians on what’s known as the Space Coast – Cape Canaveral.   Also his time table would be 9 years from now, so again big help and I don’t like the way you said that as if you might get more than two terms.

“I’m not a natural leader. I’m too intellectual; I’m too abstract; I think too much.”  Vote for me, I’m too smart to lead!

I’m going to be the nominee. It’s very hard not to look at the recent polls and think that the odds are very high I’m going to be the nominee.”  Ouch, that has to sting a little.

 

I was going to put some Ron Paul stuff up here but lets face it, he’s a distant memory.  He recieved less than 4% of the vote in the last 6 primaries.  If these were debates he wouldn’t even meet the % requirement to to get in.

Puerto Rico primary tomorrow.  Check back for latest results.

Diary of a Stay At Home Dad: Why is Frank barking like a dog?

So we still had Frank’s monitor on in our room at the 7 month old mark.  One night I awaken to the sound of a dog choking on a chicken bone.  I felt that was weird because for one thing we had pizza for dinner that night and more importantly, we don’t have a dog.    A quick peek at the monitor and I see Frank standing up in his crib barking.  My first thought was what the hell is that kid doing and why is he doing it at 3 in the morning.  Then I heard the wheezing between the barks.  He can’t get his breath.

OK, now I’m up and adrenaline rushing to the point of being able to lift a car.  You hear that story a lot; a mother seeing her child in danger lifts a car off of them.  I’m not saying I could lift a car but I went from snoring to wide awake in 0.3 seconds.  Haven’t done that since boot camp; some 24 years ago.  Age, in this case, only matters on the backside of the rush.  The dreaded come down is going to hurt, bad.  But at the moment my 7 month old son is smiling and wheezing like a 77 year old asthma patient at the same time.

Tracy calls the pediatrician’s on call nurse.  She can hear Frank wheezing over the phone and Tracy was out in the hall way.  There was a bunch of description of symptoms being exchanged and some discussion but then I hear “go to the ER.”  Good enough for me.  I switch into what Tracy likes to call task mode.  Children’s Hospital in Knoxville is probably 15 minutes away, but at 4am it was more like 8 minutes.  It’s possible I bent the speed limit a tad as well.

No waiting at 4am.  They took Frank right back.  They checked him out, gave him something to help him breath a little easier, and we laid down in the exam room to wait for a bed.  He was being admitted.  Frank was getting his first trip to the hospital since he was born some 7 months prior.  At the age of 44 I have yet to spend the night in a hospital.  And no, I’m not superstitious.

We get to a room and are given the diagnosis, Respiratory Syncytial Virus, or RSV.  This is one of those times it’s advantageous to have a child so much later in life.  I have heard of RSV as several of my friends kids had it.  It is more serious for babies and Frank was only 7 months, but it was in no way as bad as first time parents could imagine.  Our blood pressure and guilt started to subside.

I don’t know about y’all but with Frank I go right to worst case scenario when he gets sick.  This is a new thing for me.  In regards to my own health I am much more dumb and dangerous in the other direction.   I never take my own illnesses serious enough and they become much worse than they would have.  Since having Frank I’ve become an old Italian lady, I worry about everything.

Distracted easily, I noticed a children’s hospital room has some cool equipment.  I mean Frank didn’t think it was all that cool, but what did he know, he was only 7 months old.  The coolest thing was what Frank hated the most, the snot sucker.  This is an air driven vacuum hose they put up one of his nostrils while feeding saline solution up the other; essentially the industrial grade version of the little squeeze bulb we all have used to clean the nose of a child.  Big difference here, the air powered one actually works.

That sucker cleaned Frank’s snot-locker in like a minute.  Sure he yelled loud enough to make a dolphin’s ears bleed and the first nurse to do it to him cried the whole time, but drama aside, the thing made it seem so effortless.  I would have to use a squeeze bulb for an hour to get the results that thing did in a minute.  Tracy was reading the look in my eye, “You know Babies R Us sells battery powered versions of that.”  My head snaps toward her like, “Why don’t we have one?!?!”  We do now.

Frank recovered from his first nose clean-out quick enough to make eyes at the cute nurse who was beside herself for making him cry.  They hugged it out and Frank watched her with a smile until she left.  That scene would repeat itself with every nurse who came in.  It got so bad that even Tracy noticed it and asked me if I’ve seen him eyeballing the nurses.  Kid’s an animal.

Sleeping it off after discharge from first hospital stay

Overall he spent essentially 2 days and 2 nights in the hospital if you count going at 4am “night”.  Tracy stayed with him over the second night and he was released the next day.  He did great in the hospital.  He got to sleep on mommy, although that meant Tracy didn’t sleep much.  However I guarantee you she would love to have him do that now, as he is getting past the age of wanting to curl up with either of us.

Frank did have some visitors during his short stay.  Good friends Marisa and Becky came by to see him and look after Tracy.  That was and is always comforting, thanks guys!

It was the second week of December so as we were checking out we ran into Santa Claus in the hallway and he gave Frank a stuffed dog even though we were leaving.  It was neat and Frank still sleeps with Dog to this day but it was a stark reminder of how lucky we were.  There were kids on that floor not going home for Christmas.

All in all it was a positive experience.  We lived through our first medical emergency and we learned a ton.  We learned that ER visits can be avoided if we catch the bark early on and do the old steam bath to cold air treatment.  We learned that the crying caused by sucking the snot out of his nose is much better than the barking sound if we don’t do it.  We learned Frank gets Clarence the Clown hair after a steam bath.  We learned Frank digs nurses.

We also learned how to use a nebulizer, which delivered medicine directly to Frank’s lungs in a mist type fashion.  We were told it would probably be a battle to get him to keep the mask on.  It was…because he wanted to put the hose directly in his mouth.  Well, he sucked on the hose for the entire run of the medicine, 7 minutes a treatment, a few times a day for 10 days I think.  Pediatrician just shook her head and told us that’s the most effective way it’s just a little unconventional, as in not normal.

Hmm, unconventional, so he does have some of my wife’s family DNA after all.