Diary of a Stay At Home Dad: Well, he finally said it.

Frank finally did it. My almost 3yr old finally cussed, cursed, was profane, used an expletive, foul language, swore. Twice! And Grammy was visiting when it happened. I would be utterly ashamed if it wasn’t so #%^& funny.

It was obvious too. Clear and direct, there was no mistaking what he said, no chance to interpret it another way. What’s more amazing; he used it in correct context, so there went our chance to explain it away.

The first time he did it we were eating dinner. He finished up and went into the living room to play cars. All of a sudden he dropped a car and said “Oh damn it.” Then he said it again as we snapped our heads around. “Oh damn it.” One more time for good measure, as we’re now choking back or otherwise suppressing laughter. “Oh damn it.”

Grammy’s not getting involved except to exclaim “I didn’t teach him that.” A little to quick on the draw there Grammy. If I didn’t know you I might think you were feeling a little guilty. Tracy follows suit with the “I didn’t do it” chorus. So clearly since I was the last person to speak up it must be my fault. I blame those punk 2yr olds he goes to school with. All five of them. It’s a rough looking bunch, you can smell the bad upbringing all over them.

Of course it’s me. Who the hell else could it be. I admit it, my language is colorful at times. At least he didn’t say the “F” word.

Anyway, now we’re stuck. If Tracy or I make a big deal out of it he’ll just keep saying it. No matter how funny it was/is, I couldn’t risk showing any thing remotely resembling pride or approval. So we did what any good parent would do, we acted like nothing happened. Stuff always gets better if you ignore it, regardless of what Oprah or Dr. Oz says.

So the second time he says it, it’s just me and him. I walk into the room, he’s playing and there is food all over the floor. I look at the mess I will now have to clean up and say Ah Frank! To which he replies “Oh damn it!” in the same exasperated tone I had just used, while he’s looking down at the mess, arms out to the sides, as if to say “Who the hell did that.” He got off one more damn it before I tried to stop him then he got the last one in as I was sitting him down. How am I not supposed to laugh at that. Obi Wan Kenobi couldn’t keep a straight face at that.

So I gave him the old don’t say that, it’s a bad word, smart people don’t use bad language, etc … Well hell, he’s not getting any of that. He’s trying to figure out why I’m being stern and laughing at the same time.

So my kid is a potty mouth, what the &$@$ is it to you.

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GOP Primary: Well, so much for that…

It appears Newt will not gladly pay us Tuesday for a hamburger today.  However, today is Tuesday so if he eats another hamburger today with the intention of paying us next Tuesday he’ll be into us for two hamburger.  Ah, you get the idea, I hope.

Bottom line, Newt must have had a dream, a revelation, a vision, possibly a nightmare seeing his public career ending today, who knows.  Whatever it was it scared him to the point of pushing his quitting back to Wednesday.  It’s possible he has too many May Day festivities to attend, you know the pre-christian passage of the season May Day, not the workers communist May Day, although with Newt it is hard to say.  Little Doc Seuss rhyme for the kids there.

How bad has it become for Newt and his band of merry man?  Yeah, no money so his merry band is down to one dude and TMZ reports he aint too merry.  It’s so bad Newt really isn’t even getting respect from professional writers, newspapers or even the President.  I mean it’s one thing for a dopey hack like me sitting in Knoxville TN, taking shots at Newt, but for the pros, who get published nationally, that’s a big step to degrade the man who was once Speqaker of the House.  Here is a quick sample.

At the corespondents dinner on Saturday night the President took a big uppercut at Newt, who was in attendance.  He actually singled out Newt, called out “Where is Newt?”  When the President found Newt, as did the house spotlight, he yelled, “Newt, there’s still time man!”  The joint broke open with laughter.  Everybody was busting a gut, except Newt that is.  He was not amused in the slightest.

Even worse, the host of the dinner, Jimmy Kimmel of ABC, only mentioned Newt once in his monologue, and it was a fat joke.

By the way, it’s telling that Newt even went to the correspondents dinner.  What did he expect to happen.  He’s been to these things before, he knows what they’re like in an election year.  Sure he has a lot of friends there and he worked on K Street, lobbyist row as it’s sometimes called, for a long time but was the free dinner worth being ridiculed by the guy who has the job you want but will never get?

And the beat goes on.

From the New York Times’ Mark Leibovich –  A familiar analogy is to the Japanese soldiers who turned up in remote areas long after August 1945 and had no idea that World War II had ended. But Mr. Gingrich knows that his war is over, and while not exactly fighting, he is not surrendering yet, either.

This from Alan Altman at Time Magazine, Time Magazine for pete’s sake – On Wednesday in Washington, Newt Gingrich will bury a campaign that has been dead so long it’s begun to smell.  That was the opening line of the article.

From the same article we also find out that Newt’s lobbyist firms have no work for him and his two foundations that used to make him loads of money have disintegrated with Newt out on the trail and filed for bankruptcy.  The lecture circuit may be all he has left to keep his lifestyle going.

Listen for the words Newt uses on Wednesday and in future appearances.  You might catch a hint of flattery towards the Romney campaign.

That will be the signal Newt is angling for a job in a Romney White House.

After Wednesday what will we do without all the talk of moon bases and the poor kids becoming school janitors?  Newt we’ll miss ya buddy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(no we won’t)