Diary of a Stay At Home Dad: Crazy stuff my kid says

I’m not sure how much longer I can repeat some of the crazy stuff Frank says.  If this batch is any indication, tonight could be the final installment.  It’s getting crazier and a little more embarrassing.  With his sister coming home from the hospital soon, it’s likely to be epic.  He also goes back to school in August.  No telling what notes will be waiting for me when I pick him up every day.

Beanbag – gate

Quick Judas update.  The little chooch has not laid a butt-cheek in that freaking beanbag chair since he stabbed me in the back.  Go two posts back and read Anche Tu Francesco for the back story, or should I say stab me in the back story.  What do you want from me people, jokes are free.  You want pro quality humor, hit the tip jar and I’ll up my game.

Anyway here are the latest musings from my three year old.

Your not too fat daddy – you’re too old!  Yeah thanks Frank.  This after I turned down his offer of a doughnut telling him I was too fat.  He patted my belly as he said it.

He did it all by himself daddy!  Watching Tiger Woods hit a putt during the US Open.

I’m very strong.  After carrying in a UPS package from the porch.

Don’t run in the street daddy or a car will hit you in the face!    Again with the fat jokes.  First it was “you’re the biggest daddy” and now this.  I mean how big do you have to be for a car to hit you in the face?  The emphasis on his face while lecturing me made this more funny than it sounds.

Daddy, Daddy! It’s going into my pants!  Me: What is Frank?  My poop!  Great Frank, congratulations.

Frank at 4am “Hello, helloooooo!” while peeking out from his bedroom.  Me barely lifting my head from the pillow in response: What do you want Frank!  His reply betrayed his irritation and matched my volume: “You get crackers for my mouth!”  Me: delusional – staggering downstairs and chuckling to myself to get crackers for his mouth.

I feel like a princess.  He threw out this little gem while coming out of the bathroom after his bath.  He had taken the hooded towel off his head and wrapped it around his chest much like a women would do.  God help me.

Speaking of his chest:

These are my mountains.  He educated my on this bit of anatomy while taking off his swim shirt and pointing to his chest after getting back from the pool.  I had no response then.  I have no response now.

She’s so cute!  The kid is a charmer.  He seems able to pull off the perfect sound bite with accompanying expression for these situation.  He has yet to see his sister face to face.  So far he’s seen her through the glass of the intensive care unit about a month ago and this moment, when he saw her on Skype.

His sister is coming home soon.  I shudder to think what he’ll say then.