When last we spoke, I was regaling you with the story of Lenny the Lamb and our newfound understanding for his importance. The praying for his eyes to be open, etc… Read it here: She’s Eating Lenny! I’m not sure if it was entirely clear in the last piece that Lenny is a male of his species. The name Lenny should make that obvious, but some events have begin to unfold to cast doubt.
The last few trips to the pool Frank wanted Lenny to come along. I said we can’t take HIM to the pool Frank HE’ll get all wet, and coincidentally much nastier than he is now. “She can stay in the bag Daddy.” That’s a direct quote. Catch that. Frank referred to Lenny as SHE. I said, “Lenny is a he.” I thought we had gotten past all this pronoun/gender confusion, but it appeared we were back to it. So Frank says, “Daddy Lambie is a she.”
All this was going on while I was greasing him down with SPF 99 sunscream, as Frank calls it. Well, greasin him and the ottoman down with SPF 99 sunscream. In other words I was tiring of this conversation quickly as I thought out my excuses for painting half of the ottoman white with sunscream. And yeah, I went with blaming it on the kid. So I thought he was just mumbling when he said Lambie, instead of Lenny.
So the next day we head back to the pool after our round of golf, (yes it has been a great summer so far), the same conversation takes place. This time it’s obvious he’s not saying Lenny and I ask him why he’s calling Lenny, Lambie. I get nothing. Kid will talk you to your grave unless you actually want information. Then he dummies up and you can forget it. You get nothing but crickets.
A few days later I see Frank watching a cartoon he never liked to watch before. Doc McStuffins, for the uninitiated, is a little girl who can talk to and do doctorin on toys. She’s not Board Certified mind you, but she hasn’t lost a patient yet, in case you were wondering. Anyway, as a simple minded man I tend to get engrossed in cartoons quite easily and I settle in for the latest installment.
Five minutes in I see this. This is Lambie. Docs assistant. A plush, stuffed, Nurse Practitioner if you will.
Again. I’m simple so it just then dawns on me that Frank has taken up a new cartoon and in the process regendered his best friend Lenny and renamed him…or her, Lambie after a character in the show.
So the good news is Frank is not regressing to a stage where he can’t distinguish between she/he, between boy/girl.
There really is no bad news other than Frank’s lack of awareness in the sacrifice to go from male to female.
Well that and the fact you have to go to Finland to have it done. That’s to say if you want the state to pay for it. Finland does the most government funded gender change operations in the world. Know who’s second? Iran.
Yes you read that right, Iran is second in the world in government funded gender change surgery. Maybe if Iran had a few more Lambies running around they wouldn’t be such chooches.
And why this incident caused me to look all that up is a mystery even unto me.
But that’s a different story for a different blog.
So main Lenny is now Lambie. Deployed Lenny has decided to stay Deployed Lenny for now.
God help me.