Diary of a SAHD: Running with scissors

First attempt with a utensil. Sure why not.

First attempt with a utensil. Sure why not.

Unlike a lot of the titles I dream up for my posts, this one is right to the point. Scissors – Point, get it. Ha, I’m here all week folks, tip your servers and try the veal.

But seriously, a friend asked me today if Anne Marie was easier to deal with than Frank. I really had to think about that. After careful thought I’m thinking there might be a minuscule window where Anne Marie will be easier to deal with than Frank. I’m also guessing that window lies somewhere between when she potty trains and learns to dress herself, and the millisecond after she potty trains and learns to dress herself.

Mind you I’m not a scientist and I have not frequented any Holiday Inns lately, this is just pure gut instinct.

I get some foul looks when I say what I’m about to say. The looks coming from Mrs Frank’s Place, mother of Frank and Anne Marie of course. But I’m gonna say it anyway.

My four year old Frank is a smart kid. He can add and subtract without using his fingers or counting out loud. His old nemesis, the alphabet, is even starting to bow to his mental acuity. Having said that, Anne Marie is smarter than Frank by quite a bit. It’s starting to boarder on freakish.

You’ve seen the ladder she was building to jump the safety gate on the stairs. That was 5 months ago. That was a small step. Yesterday she took a giant leap. Here’s a refresher picture of the “Gate Box incident of 2013”.

Yeah no problem, I won't touch the gate. I'll jump over it.

Yeah no problem, I won’t touch the gate. I’ll jump over it.

Monday, 25 November, she realized she was tall enough to reach the kitchen cabinet drawers. Ten minutes later I realized it too.

I come around the corner into the kitchen to find my micro preemie jamming a pair of scissors like a crow bar between the refrigerator doors in an attempt to pry them open. She would have made it too if I was a few minutes later. The freezer door was about to give way. When I asked her what she was doing, two things happened. I got a look that basically said, “Really Stevie Wonder, what does it look like I’m doing?” And then realizing the scissors were her only chance to get the fridge open, she pulled them out from between the doors and attempted to flee. Thankfully she’s no where near as fast as her brother and I managed to grab her up after a few steps.

She had a strange look on her face. Sort of like this:

Don't underestimate my power!

Don’t underestimate my power!

I’m not sure if that look is saying, “In a few months I’ll be so fast you won’t be able to catch me,” or “In a few months I’ll be smarter than you and speed won’t matter.” I’ll get back to you on that.

I still have no idea what she was after, but I do know there was something specific in that fridge. She expends no effort unless she has a goal. That much I have figured out about her.

Not one to rest on her laurels, while we stopped in to see Pastor Dave at Frank’s school, she quietly wandered over to his guitar case and had it open in about 2 minutes. I was half wondering if she was going to throw down a riff or two or whatever a cool word for playing guitar is.

After we got home she showed me how she could turn on my iPhone and open the twitter app. Of course she learned that little skill from Frank.

And for the record, any one who got some weird garbled tweets from me today, it was Anne Marie’s fault and had nothing to do with me accidentally OD-ing on Sudafed. I mean it wasn’t a meth head amount of Sudafed, but it was enough. My sinuses have never been more free breathing.

Anyway, the conclusion is Anne Marie will be much harder because as my friend Chris would say, “She’s wicked smart.” Plus what she’s not figuring out on her own Frank is teaching her. Add to that I’m 3yrs slower and dumber.

That my friends is not a good combination.

Second child easier, not by a long shot.