It’s been fascinating to watch the NCAA basketball season unfold. This season we saw another version of the one and done phenoms in Lexington underperform all year only to turn it on at tournament time. We watched Michigan State run up victories at a blistering pace only to be crushed by injuries midseason and claw their way back as they got healthy. I was watching the games on ESPN when Oklahoma State’s Marcus Smart went all Bobby Knight on some sideline furniture in one game and then channel his inner Ron Artest a few games later, going into the stands to confront a big mouth fan who had catapulted himself across the line between spectator and enemy combatant. Smart should have drilled the guy in my opinion.

Living in Knoxville and being a fan of the Volunteers has made the season even more fascinating. Oh we didn’t have any of that drama; no fights with the fans in Thompson Boling, no injuries to any key players, no, none of that. In Knoxville we had The Petition. The Bring Back Bruce petition to be exact.

Unhappy with the current state of UT basketball after some buzzer beater losses to Texas A&M and a bad loss to Vandy, an enterprising fan realized Knoxville’s beloved son, Bruce Pearl, was coming off his three year NCAA penalty in August, conveniently still living in Knoxville, and thus ripe for hire. Or in this case rehire. Caught lying and coercing others to lie about minor recruiting violations, Pearl was fired by UT after the 2011 NCAA Tournament. A tournament in which the Volunteers were crushed by Michigan in the first round 75-45.

As you can see in the picture, 36,000 UT faithful(?) signed the petition to have Cuonzo Martin fired. Don’t be fooled. That’s what it says. There is a little known dynamic principal in basketball handed down from Naismith himself that states, “No two college coaches can occupy the same job at the same time.” From that we get the equation ∫BP(rehired)=ƒCM(fired).

So the only way Bruce Pearl could be rehired was if UT fired Cuonzo Martin. This is important as a lot of signatories/faithful used the excuse, “The petition did not call for Martin’s firing, only if we would like Pearl back should Martin BE fired” to run for cover when Martin’s Vols made the Sweet 16. I refer you to the previous formula and that great presidential quote, “It depends on what the definition of IS is.”

Full disclosure here, I loved the Martin hire. I still do. I grew up in the mean streets of South Jersey a stones throw from Philadelphia. College basketball for us in the 70s and 80s was the Big 5 City Series featuring Temple, Villanova, St Joes, LaSalle, and Drexel. Watching John Chaney’s match up zone scare the hell out of Kentucky, Kansas, Duke, etc.. was great. That Temple defense carried the Owls to 5 Elite Eights and 714 of the programs 1800 wins. Only five other teams can make the 1800 win claim. Of course watching Rollie Massimino’s Nova Wildcats defense make a basket-case out of Patrick Ewing and the Georgetown Hoyas, carrying them to the NCAA Title in 1985 was the highlight of all highlights. So in other words I’m a sucker for a team that can D-up. Hence the love of the Cuonzo Martin hire.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Bruce Pearl a lot. He won games. Plus I hated Buzz Ball. Buzz Peterson was Pearl’s predecessor and I firmly believe I could have coached them boys up better than freaking Buzz Ball. That’s really what endeared Pearl to the fan base so quickly. He took the same squad Buzz was getting mopped up with night in and night out, ran them to the Tournament, destroying the non-conference schedule and putting the fear of God into conference foes along the way. But in the end Pearl got himself fired and now hired by Auburn. Believe what you want about Pearl’s situation, the long and short of it is Pearl lied, coerced others to lie, and got himself fired. It’s not much more complicated than that.

So now we have Cuonzo Martin. It’s been a slow start to be sure, but the man is only in his third season and the boys went to the Sweet 16. Winning 3 games to get there. Of course you could never convince the faithful of that. See, that first comeback victory over Iowa doesn’t count in their eyes. It’s not the Tournament to them. Oh you know it was a non-confernce opponent late in March, played on a neutral floor where the winner advanced and the loser went home, but no it’s not the Tournament. Then Martin’s squad dismantled 6th seed UMass. OVERRATED THOSE MINUTEMEN ARE!

Then the trap door of all trap doors. A hot Mercer squad busted up Duke and the Vols would miss their chance to beat a team worthy of the faithful’s approval. Of course UT decapitated Mercer on their way to the Sweet 16 and 8 wins in the last 9 games while holding opponents to 54 points or less and shooting almost 80% from the free throw line. All this while a lot of the fan base, or at least 36,000 of them, was working publicly to get Martin fired.

A lot of commonalities between Pearl and Martin here: defense, free throw shooting, and adversity.

Defense – Pearl’s teams didn’t believe in it. They would just outscore you. But that leads to blow outs. A lot of the time UT was the victor, sometimes they were the victim. Martin’s team lives on defense and because of that they are rarely out of any game until the final buzzer.

They were getting blown out by Michigan in the first half of Friday’s Sweet 16 game. It was if the ghost of Pearl’s teams rose from the dead. UT was running and gunning from three, shooting 50% from the stripe and they were in danger of getting run off the floor. In the second half Martin’s team showed up and we saw what we had never seen from Pearl. A comeback. Save for a bad foul call in the last 9 seconds, UT may be in the Elite 8 right now. Can you remember a Pearl team clamping down on D to get themselves back in the game from 15 points down in a Tournament game? It may have happened but I can’t remember it.

Free throw shooting – Pearl’s teams were god awful and it cost them games. They never seemed to get better either. Martin’s teams have bettered their FT percentage each year. The biggest improvement has been their big man Stokes. He was something like 56% from the stripe last year. This year he’s in the 70% range. That’s a big deal

Adversity – Pearl’s gang folded, Martin’s guys just won games.

In 2011 when all the NCAA allegations stuff started to filter out the fan base rallied around Pearl. They backed him, as they should have. Only the press was speculating about Pearl’s future, the fans, myself included, were 100% with Pearl. The athletic department would only say the situation would be reviewed once UT was out of the tournament. Not exactly the most tactful way to say that as it implies UT had no chance to win, but guess what, they didn’t have a chance. They got embarrassed by Michigan, losing by 30. Hilariously that statement by the AD Dept was offered up by fans for the reason they lost to Michigan. It distracted them. Really?

So flash forward to 2014, the fan base is not just calling for the firing of Martin, but putting up public petitions to submit to the UT administration saying in effect, you work for us, now fire Martin and bring back Bruce. Add to that the UT front office’s unwillingness to show any support for Martin or at the very least come out and denounce the petition as folly.

None of that happened so what did Martin’s guys do when the fan based turned on them? Won 8 of their last 9, played the most crushing defense of any team in the country at that time and had b-ball analysts from ESPN, CBS, even sports writers from Lexington, predicting a deep run for UT. Of course that’s exactly what they did. This teams mental toughness and the solid foundation of their coach allowed them to not only play through adversity but play better, much better. No distractions noted.

So yeah Martin has not won as much as Pearl yet. Yeah he may be rough around the edges where Pearl was a master ring leader, but I believe his formula is set up for a longer, more successful haul.

I get time softens history’s rough edges but let’s be honest, Pearl’s magical 6 appearances in the Tournament that everyone keeps touting were not blazes of glory. In 2006 UT was a 2 seed and needed end game heroics to get by Winthrop and then lost to 7 seed Wichita State. In 08 they got busted in the second round by a mediocre Georgetown team. In 09 they lost to 8 seed Oklahoma St in the first round. 2011 was the afore mentioned blowout loss to Michigan in the first round.

Is Pearl a good coach? Absolutely. Is he the end all be all of college coaching? Not by a long shot.

But the treatment Martin has received from the faithful is completely unwarranted. I’d be surprised if Marquette or Wake Forrest doesn’t come calling with a real long term deal. I hope Martin stays but if I was his agent I’d tell him to take the deal and drop a resignation letter on Dave Hart’s desk on the way out of town.

If that happens we’ll be trading a diamond for a lump of coal.

No matter though. Spring practice has started for UT football. All is right with the world.

So when does the Boot Butch, un-Fire Fulmer petition go up?

Joe Pesci had it right in Casino. Ultimately it always comes down to money.

Yeah it’s a beg for money. Not claiming I won’t say some funny or wildly inappropriate crap on the way to the big ask, but at the end of the day, I’m asking for a donation. The beauty in this deal is I won’t be calling you at dinner time, hiding behind a caller ID that masks my true identity as a solicitor, and I’m not some obscure charity.

Nope this one is all too real and all too personal.

The Warden getting her walking papers from the radiation team. Nice robe bro.

This is my little sister Kathy. We call her The Warden. She’s the youngest of the 8 of us but for some reason when you say, “You’re not the boss of me” and she replies “Yes I am” – you believe her. Hence The Warden. Anyway, she is a breast cancer survivor. So far she’s kicking cancer in the ass. Even though I used to beat her ass when we were kids and would act out the WWF Wrestling we watched from The Spectrum in Philadelphia way too long ago, she’s tougher than me.

 

 

 

The kid whisperer with Frank and The Warden’s son Nicholas

This is my brother-in-law Bob. He’s one of the nicest, kindest guys you will ever meet. Never stops working. Works a little too hard if you ask me, but hey I think we’ve established my laziness already. Bob is also a pet/baby whisperer.  Not kidding. Bob can calm any animal, any baby. They all take to him immediately.  He really is a regular Dr. Doolittle and whatever the equivalent for kids would be. Bob was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Lymphoma (ALL) in 2010. He has been kicking cancer’s ass for a while now. He is a survivor too. He’s tougher than me too.

Now beside the cool nicknames and the survivor thing, they have another thing in common. They are the Lilliputians of our family. They’re tiny. Those pictures aren’t to scale, they’re life size. (not really) As it turns out, the smallest amongst my giant family, (8 kids, 7 spouses, 10 grandkids) happen to be the biggest ass kickers.

This small person/big ass kicker thing might be a new evolution of the human species. Read Lisa Haffner’s blog for an incredible story of a another pint sized woman who has been beating cancer about the head and face since she was like 11. Lisa Haffner is something special. She lost her leg as a child and is still kicking cancer in the ass. I continue to be amazed by this women’s will and fortitude.

Celebrating a deuce.

Update Feb 28 2014: Lisa has since gone terminal but you would never know it. She was told she had 6 months to live…. 13 months ago. The picture to the left is of Little Lisa Lollipop and her husband Juan. That ain’t a gang sign they’re throwin. It’s to celebrate her first normal poop in quite some time. Yeah cancer struggles and victories come down to the smallest of battle fields.

Life’s not fair. Some people are just blessed with more grace and more smarts and more toughness than the rest of us. Lisa is one of those people who just squeezes every ounce out of life no matter the circumstances. Do yourself one favor this morning and read her blog. little lisa lollipop

The other commonality The Warden and The Kid Whisperer share is they both decided to take their survivor-ability on the road. They started a team to raise funds and awareness.  Their first Relay for Life event is June 13th in Linwood, New Jersey.

And yeah we have arrived at the moment.

The big ask.

The squeeze.

The pimpin.

The gratuitous beggin for your hard earned greenbacks.

Now do yourself another favor.

Donate.

Go to my sister Kathy’s Relay for Life web site and donate: Kathy’s Krew  If you see the same picture of her in that smart looking hospital gown, you’re in the right spot.  She has set a goal of 5 large, or $5,000 for you non street people. They are making progress but they are not quite half way there. This reminds me, she’s also a Bon Jovi stalker so you might see her quote some of his musical offerings on her page; another indicator you are on the correct web site.

Frank’s Place has already ponied up 50 bones, (again, a street term for money). Don’t be left behind. Drop a few nickels in the tip jar and join two of the smallest ass kickers I know in the fight against cancer.

They ought to put that on the t-shirt: Kathy’s Krew – Ass Kickers for Hire.

I’d wear one.

You know, the more I read the headline for this post the more it sounds so much different from how I meant it. Such is life.

A couple posts back I was gloating about getting to spend four days and nights alone as the whole family went to North Carolina for the long weekend. Read it here if you so desire: Free Range Chicken

In that post I made an ambiguous reference to being deathly afraid of the dark when I’m alone. Maybe it wasn’t so ambiguous. Well, a few comments here, a few e-mails there and it turns out people want to hear the rest of the story. If you’re not one of them, stop reading now.

Captain Kirk made me turn on the lights.

What kid isn’t afraid of the dark at some point? I was and if you say you weren’t you’re either a liar or in therapy for being a liar.

I may have carried my fear a little longer than some. Maybe I should be in therapy. I thought I had shaken it. I found out in 2005, at the age of 37, my fear of the dark was lurking in the not so deep recesses of my mind.

Let’s take a look at where and who I was in 2005. An instructor at the NCO Academy in Knoxville, newly married for the first and everlasting time in December of 2003, and in year 18 of a 22yr military career. A career, by the way, that had spanned the cold war, the drug wars in which I spent time in Central America fighting, and 10 years on the flight-line working on what was then the AF’s premier fighter, the F-16 Falcon. In other words I was a hero of the people. At least that’s what the plaque I had made at Mike’s Trophies and Sporting Goods says. Half off if you order in bulk.

All that to say I’m not a person you would tag as the afraid of my own shadow type.

All that would change one fateful night in 2005. It’s always one fateful night isn’t it? I mean it’s never a fateful afternoon, or fateful beautiful spring Sunday brunch right? Nighttime – it’s when bad stuff happens.

Like I say I was married to the lovely Tracy – Mrs Frank’s Place. She, and her posse of not to be named women (Becky and Sarah), decide to go on a shopping trip to Atlanta from Friday to Sunday.

Yes! The weekend to myself. It’s 2005, so no kids, except for the friggen cat, Pumpkin and mostly a clean house(friggen cat) and golf on TV, and then playing golf in the mornings and then late night TV watching the replays of golf.  Yeah you bet honey – go to Atlanta. Have fun, spend money. Yes I am aware those two things, fun and spending money, are redundant.

So off they went. And all was well.

Then it got dark. No problem. I closed all the blinds and settled into my Barco-lounger to watch TV. No golf replay for some reason so I start surfing.

Around 10pm I find a Twilight Zone marathon on Sci Fi channel. That’s some campy stuff. I was laughing at the “special effects” wondering how anyone could be scared by that.

The third episode had a dude who looked really familiar but it was a quick glance so I wasn’t sure. Then a close up. Holy cow it’s William Shatner, Captain Kirk, in what must be his first TV role ever. The episode was titled Nightmare at 20,000 feet. Might have been a clue there. Missed it.

In this Twilight Zone episode he’s playing a nervous passenger on an airline returning from a sanitarium. He has a window seat and the window has curtains. That tells you how old this show is. I believe John Lithgow played the Shatner character in an updated Twilight Zone movie.

That fur coat has Sears & Roebuck written all over it.

So Shatner thinks he’s seeing someone on the wing, while they are flying, trying to sabotage the plane. Every time he sees the person on the wing he shuts the curtain and tries to convince himself he’s not seeing what he thinks he’s seeing. He alerts the stewardess she looks and sees nothing. It’s after he alerts someone for the first time that it gets interesting.

The next time he looks out the person appears to be getting closer. My spidey sense is tingling but not enough to alert me to what is about to happen.

On a side note, this gremlin or person or whatever on the wing looked for all the world like they were wearing a kids winter coat from the Sears catalog, circa 1950. Again special effects budgets weren’t great back then. But that’s important because I took my eye off the ball. I was concentrating on getting a good look at the monster’s garb or “fur”. A move that would come back to haunt me, literally.

So about the time Shatner is losing his crap over all this he decides to go for one last look. And the moment of truth has arrived. He yanks open the curtain and sees this….

That would scare the balls off a brass monkey

Well what the hell am I supposed to do with that? No idea but I was scared to the point of being speechless. I’ll tell you what, had that freaking cat hopped up on the chair at that moment he would have spent every one of his nine lives faster than an old lady working the slots in Atlantic City. My fear induced adrenaline rush would have ripped his head off before he could have got off even one “Meo…”

To his credit, Pumpkin never moved. Part of that is because he was ninety gazillion years old and part because he really was a smug little prick. I know he’s long since departed and all but let’s just have a little truth telling shall we. That cat looked down on me from the jump.

But now I’m stuck. It might as well be nine miles from the Barco to the bedroom. Not to mention this haunted house is covered with windows. Only the living room has blinds. How am I supposed to keep from looking out into the darkness on my way up the stairs?

I need a plan, I need the floor plan. I need to devise a path and a sequence in which I can turn off the lights behind me as I make my way up. However, in order to do that the lights need to be on, all of them. I need options.

So the house is lit up like a beacon and it’s about 12:30 in the am. Then the phone rings.

Who the world is calling me 12:30 in the morning with all this going on? Luckily the phone is right next to me. It’s Tracy, and it sounds like she may have a margarita or two on board.

Wow, my skin is crawling just looking at that picture while I’m typing and it’s 2:30 in the afternoon.

Anyway Tracy and I are talking and she asks what I’m doing. I tell her what I’m watching and there is a very long pause.

Then she says, “All the lights in my house are on aren’t they?” Hey what can I tell you, the woman knows me. I hear a little laughter in the background and I know full well I’ve just given “the girls” something to talk about for the next few minutes.

Can’t worry about a bunch of hens cackling over my trauma though, I still have to get upstairs.

The rest is fuzzy to me. Clearly I made it upstairs, I just can’t recall the sequence of lights.

Probably should have written it down.

All I know is windows and darkness are not a good combo. You just never know when a kid in a matted down Sears fur coat and a horrifically bad hair cut will be staring back at you.

Ultimately, as the saying goes, I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m just afraid of what’s in it.