Back to Work: Don’t they know it’s Masters Week?

Apr10

So as y’all may or may not know, I went back to work in October of 2015. It’s been an adjustment for sure. Aside from leaving the kids I’ve been raising for six years in the hands of Mrs Frank’s Place, I had to learn new stuff. After all, these people are paying me. With American money no less. I feel obligated to at least learn my new job. So I started adjusting.

First there was the time thing. I went from thinking about getting up around 7am to bolting upright at 4:30am so I can shower and be rolling to the J.O.B. by 5am. Then there is the whole not staying up till 1 am anymore. It’s not like I didn’t foolishly try that. But I keep passing out around 9:30 in the pm. I mean what’s next, taking my place in line at the Shoney’s early bird dinner buffet trough. As I write this at 11:30 in the pm on a Friday night, I am struggling to stay awake. And that’s as I’m actually hitting the keys!

Of course there was driving again, in traffic, in the dark. I had forgotten about the skills, or more accurately the lack there of, Knoxvillians posses behind the wheel. Gas pedal on the right, fast lane on the left, lets get it straight people.

If that wasn’t enough, I had to adjust to working and playing nice with people again. Well, if I’m being honest, I never worked and played well. So it wasn’t so much adjusting again as it was initiating adjustment. And surprisingly it turns out people are pretty cool. In fact it may be the main source of satisfaction of the job. (Yes some of them read this.)

But as it turns out the largest adjustment would involve, not surprisingly, golf. Going back to work would mean an adjustment to my golfing. Although not as much as I had anticipated. One of the things that made this particular job attractive was the 4/10 schedule. Friday’s off! Golfing would be unharmed. Golf watching on the other hand…

C’mon Frank, keep practicing. I’ll make this look good.

This would be the first time in 7 years I would not be home for Masters Week. I know! The horror right!? No scheduling would save that. I could watch the Drive, Chip, and Putt competition on Sunday but then would be radio silent until Friday. That would mean missing the player interviews on Monday and Tuesday, State of the Game speech by the Pres of Augusta National on Tuesday, the Par 3 contest on Wednesday, and the ceremonial tee shot and entire first round on Thursday.

I may have to quit. I mean, do they know it’s Masters week at work? Worse even, do they care? Not sure I could work with a bunch of godless golf heathens.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. Just take the week off. Look I’m an addict, but I ain’t stupid. No way I could justify taking 4 days off to sit around and watch golf. I can justify it in my mind all day long. But I don’t live alone. Burning my vacation for golf watchin may not be good politics currently. Someday…

No an adjustment had to be made. Since there is no way to watch a millisecond at work (Don’t they know it’s Masters Week?) DVR would be my friend. Well more like a step-sister I can’t stand really. I’ve never been one to watch live events on tape after I know the results. Also the advantages of DVR, mainly buzzing through commercials, is lost on The Masters. There are only two sponsors, usually AT&T and Coke. The commercials are very limited.

In 2003 Martha Burke and the National Organization of Women (NOW), protested Augusta National’s men only policy. To do that they targeted AT& T and Coke. Augusta responded by shielding it’s main sponsors by having no sponsors for that year’s Masters. You know what that meant? Yep, a commercial free telecast. Almost 12 hours of uninterrupted golf at The Masters. I’ve been a big Martha Burke fan ever since. My e-mails to her asking for another protest go unanswered to this day.

But if that little episode doesn’t make you love The Masters then I imagine you must be a communist. Augusta National literally said, “We don’t need outside money to run the biggest tournament in the history of the sport. Watch if you want or don’t, but we still playin golf.” It’s one of the endearing aspects of The Masters. Meanwhile The Masters has expanded to Sunday to Sunday coverage and an app that shows the entire week including a live camera on the driving range. Martha Burke on the other hand… She Gone.

So no buzzing through commercials and I already know who won the Par 3 contest. Alas better than nothing. Plus I did have a floating holiday to spend, so I was home on a rare Thursday to watch the broadcast on ESPN and the 3 live streams on themasters.org. Yes 4. And yes I had a monitor going for each one. Peep a little glimpse of golfing greatness.

The struggle people, it is real.

Yeah that’s my setup. I ain’t ashamed. We all need a hobby. But now I have a J.O.B. too. So I’ll have to adjust. Maybe not for too long though. Presidential candidate John Kasich, Republican Governor of Ohio, has offered that the Monday after the Super Bowl should be a national holiday. He now has my vote.

I mean how long before Master’s Week is declared a National Week of Jubilee?

Diary of a Stay At Home Dad: Hey Frank, it’s Masters Week!!!

Apr10

The golf is strong in my family.

My wife has it.

Tracy at the Old Course in Maui, Hawaii

I have it.

Took 2nd at Pat Summitt charity tournament.

And my son has it.

Grooving his move in the backyard.

Since the golf runs so strong in the family, the second week in April is always a big deal.

What big deal you say? It’s Masters Week. The greatest week in golf. A tradition unlike any other, as the saying goes.

It starts with player interviews on Monday and Tuesday. State of the game address by the Chairman of Augusta National and the Par 3 championship on Wednesday.

Then Thursday morning it’s go time. Live streaming of the tournament starts at 10:30 am. Guess where I’ll be Thursday morning. Hopefully Anne Marie can learn to feed herself between now and the first tee shot, or it might be a rough weekend for her.

So in that spirit I picked Frank up from school and we went to the golf course. Dead Horse Lake in Knoxville is our home course and Frank is a big hit in the club house, on the driving range, and with the lady bartenders who serve us our post round hotdogs. He’s three and he has a good swing and the old guys who populate that course love watching him hack at the ball.

But today we went on the course, the real course. I was not sure how he would handle it. His swing has been looking pretty ragged in the backyard these days. Once again he stunned me. Apparently he’s not much of a practice player, he’s a game day type of guy.

His first tee shot went 34 yards, twice the distance he’d been hitting in the back yard. His second tee shot went 43 yards and straight as an arrow. His third went 54, also right up the middle. Then he hit another 54 yard shot from the fairway, off the grass without a tee, to the green. Here is his current move.

It was quite a show. Now he had some real clunkers in there too, and missed several balls completely. But on Great Masters Eve my kid was crushing it.

Did I mention he was only three?

Even more impressive, he went the distance without so much as a whimper or a whine. I didn’t have to bribe him with candy or a promise of unlimited Thomas cartoons when we got home. He loves being out there and playing.

Oh yeah, he made a 15 foot putt on the first green too.

Good looking stroke right there.

So yeah, in two years Frank will be kicking my ass all over the course.

Oh well, at least it will be 5 years before Anne Marie is driving it past me, I think.

Ok in the fervor of Masters Week, a little trivia for y’all.

A commemorative golf ball with Frank’s birth info to the person who can answer this question.

What is the difference in Frank’s swing from the first picture to these two shots at the bottom?

Answer in the comment section. My 7 brothers and sisters are not eligible. Coyne, I should make you ineligible since you’re just about family, but give it a shot if you want.

Again, difference in Frank’s swing from the first picture to these two, and you don’t have to be a golfer to get this, just observant and maybe have too much free time on your hands.

Here is what you are playing for. Good luck.

This season’s must have item!

Diary of a Stay At Home Dad: Hey Frank It’s Masters Week!

Apr4

So when I thank God for things, something I don’t do often enough, in the top 5 things is Frank’s love of golf. He began watching it early out of necessity. I had the golf channel on all the time during the week and the network coverage playing during the weekend and Frank was somewhat captive until he could crawl.

Frank’s attention span for the golf channel gradually grew. At the moment, he’ll be 3 in May, Frank will watch for about 30 minutes. After about ten minutes he runs to get his golf club. He has no prejudice when it comes to golf, he’ll watch women’s golf, European Tour, Champion’s Tour, and of course the PGA.

He’s always bugging me to hit balls in the back yard. We use some golf whiffle balls and his club is a controller holder for the Nintendo wii.

So in honor of the greatest game ever, during the greatest tournament ever I give you, The Mini-Master: A Frank Pictorial.

A champion trains in weather

cut em dad, cut em. I can't hold the club.

Grooving his move

It's warm, the grass is green, let's tee it up!

Taking a stance.

Hey Mr. Mike watch this!

No worries Mom. This one's going to the dance floor.

Good backswing

Driving his hips to the hitting zone

Hips clear, shoulders clear, head down - ball on the way.

Hold the finish. Wait for the applause.

I hope you have enjoyed the pictures as much as I have enjoyed hitting balls with my 2yr old son. Two things Franks says that I’ll remember forever: “Let’s hit balls daddy” and now when I hit one I get “Nice shot daddy.”

For those that partake – enjoy The Masters.